Posted by: CJ | February 16, 2012

three views

Three comments from people that have been running through my head on and off the past few weeks.

  1. “Oh, right, I have to be specific with you”
  2. “I’ve seriously thought about dating you–really, I have! It’s just that you still have a lot to learn about yourself…”
  3. “Just go join a monastery! You’re obviously a closet Christian, and it’s not like it’d be a change to your dating life.”

The first comment was from a friend that’s known me for ~2 years. We were having dinner, just hanging out, for the first time in several months. She asked me to do something and I did exactly what she asked…which, incidentally, was not what she’d really wanted. She was drunk and trying to cross a street and told me, “Help me get my bag from my car.” She really meant, “Hold my arm while I cross the street.”

I really need to find a way to warn people that I will, with only good intentions, cluelessly do exactly what they asked me to do. And nothing more. Part of me wishes I was much better at figuring out what people want me to do vs what they ask me to do…but I’m not sure how I’d even go about learning something like that.

The second comment was from  a girl I was close friends with, and had been flirting heavily with on and off for years, after I started to seriously pursue her. I was pretty angry at the time–I’d gotten enough mixed signals from her, and I considered that comment both another mixed signal and a back-handed compliment. But…in the fullness of time…I’ve met and known other people that have helped me empathize with what she must have been thinking. Something along the lines of, “I enjoy talking to him, and being around him….but he’s just so clueless. And so firm in his cluelessness and deep in his own world that I can’t trust he’d ever come around to becoming what I need.” I wish I’d understood this point of view then, to avoid the many misunderstandings and arguments that ensued.

The last comment was a less than helpful, and mildly exasperated friend. He’s rather anti-religious. He doesn’t believe me when I insist, “You don’t hate religious people, you hate stupid people”.



  1. Yes. That’s all, just….yes.

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