I really shouldn’t be looking for someone to date, seriously or not. Why? Because I’m not interested in kids, or in building a life together, or in a deep and committed relationship with one individual. Just not appealing right now. Not to mention I’m abysmal when it comes to doing things for people I care about when they’re going through a rough time. IF I notice they are, and IF I don’t resent them for their issues bothering me, I still won’t know how to react. I’m not as clueless as I was 5 or 10 years ago, but I’m also less patient than 5 or 10 years ago.
What am I interested in? Learning stuff (lots and lots of stuff), getting better social skills, forging some new and long-lasting friendships with people I really connect with, becoming more comfortable with who I am, getting higher status, reading for fun, playing computer games, playing board games…and that’s a pretty good summary.
But you’ll notice all those things I’m interested in are about me. Totally self-centered.
Which really summarizes how I think about a significant other and why I’d ever be in a relationship. Physical intimacy, a source of emotional stability, a chance to meet new people through who I’m dating, a chance to get immersed with whatever interests the other person, and whatever higher status comes from dating the person. Not really about the other person at all, just what I’d get from them.
Of course, maybe everyone approaches relationships this way, at least to some degree. But I think it’s harder and less useful to have a romantic relationship if you’re more open with yourself about your self-centered reasons for it. At least unless there are things a romantic relationship can give you that close friends can’t, other than children and physical intimacy.