Posted by: CJ | March 2, 2010

It’s always so messy

I recently read a blog post where the writer was meditating on earlier times in her life when she’d been uncomfortable openly presenting who she was. And how she was very uncomfortable feeling like she was presenting only shards of herself to anyone.

And I realized I could relate to doing that, but not to being troubled by it.

I usually feel like I am only presenting shards of myself. I don’t know how to present who I am to people who aren’t prepared to understand it. Or at least that’s how it felt to me for so long growing up that I internalized the idea that you only show whatever part of yourself is acceptable in certain settings, and bury everything else.

I’m still not sure what to think about the idea of comfortably presenting who I am and what I believe. Particularly because most of my beliefs are non-standard, and I’m unsure of what consequences such a free flow of information would have on my friendships and relationships. Not to mention the more mundane worry about career stuff. People seem to prefer hiring employees more like the hirer, not less.

Anyways, things to think about while avoiding your work.



  1. Even if your ideas are “non-standard,” I have a few of those too, and who gets the full impact of them is based on level of intimacy, which is a concept that is difficult for some people to understand. In real terms, unless you are led by your ideas to either get off the grid or drop out of society in some other tangible way, they are probably less of a big deal than you think–at least as far as other people are concerned.

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