Posted by: CJ | December 13, 2009

No, it’s about my friend. Really.

Four good reasons to break up with someone.

  1. Divergence of Long-Term Goals. She wants kids. You want to make a difference rather than a family. She wants to spend several of her prime years as a stay-at-home-mom. You’re ambivalent about using an expensive elite-college education for raising a child during prime productive years. Besides, she doesn’t know what she wants beyond that. She’s happy to follow the path of least resistance, to let life happen to her. And that lack of vitality in someone you love and see so much potential in, is a constant source of disappointment, even depression.
  2. Constant Low-Level Drama. If you don’t have a problem, such as issues with the relationship, a broken bone, or a depressive issue, then she does. Things like a laptop just accidentally killed, some sort of infection, loss of balance and ability to walk, or something. No matter what, there’s always something. This is not needed in life. One can only keep up with there always being something for so long before their physical and emotional safety nets completely break down. It could be different, if she had more close friends and a larger support network. But she’s too scared to reach out to her friends.
  3. Broken Interactions That Never Get Fixed. You talk to each other all the time and love each other’s company. But you’re always holding back because you can’t quite trust her. She’s hurt you or let you down too many times for that kind of trust. You don’t know how to have the hard conversations with her. You don’t know how to tell her you love her, but you can’t stay if things don’t change.
  4. Learning. You realize you need to grow in new ways, and she’s not helping you. You realize you don’t even know how to bring her with you on the experiences you need to have to grow. You use your concern for and devotion to her as a way of avoiding change. You use your fear of looking silly in front of her as an excuse to never try to things, especially around her. You would give anything for her to take the lead occasionally, to help you learn what you need, to solve your problems for you. But she never does.

Reasons, reasons. I want to call them good reasons, but I would, wouldn’t I? They’re all long-term reasons. At any given moment it’s easy to remember that nothing that bad is happening, really. And, after all, you care for her. You two converse easily and deeply. And she’s so comfortable to hold. It’ll all turn out alright…right?

I never really believed it would. I’m not capable of that kind of faith. Yet I sometimes wonder if things would have turned out alright if I had simply believed in it…


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