I was talking to a friend recently about what I want out of a relationship, and why I’m haven’t had a serious relationship since I was an undergraduate. After talking, it seemed to basically boil down to the following four “filters”. I have other preferences, but these are the 4 things that are deal-breakers, and I’ve met various people over the past several years that have some but not all of these. Or if they’ve met all then they were already in a serious relationship.
- I will not have children.
- I cannot be the more socially aware one, and I cannot be the person that works harder at having social contacts. I view myself as socially clueless, so I have no patience for people that aren’t more capable than me.
- I have to be able to engage the other person intellectually. I live in my own little world of facts, theories, numbers, and equations. If they aren’t able to come visit me in that world then it’s just a casual relationship.
- I need the other person to have some drive and some ambition. Not necessarily the, “I want to be rich,” or “I want to be in a position with power over lots of people,” or “I want lots of people to look up to me,” sort of ambition. But some degree of drive and ambition to help shape and change the world.
What I’m unsure about is how reasonable all of the above is. But I know I currently won’t seriously date anyone that doesn’t meet all of those. What I’m unsure of is where to find such people that are single. I certainly haven’t run into them here…