But his bizarre courtship and just as bizarre not-romance with Alice is simultaneously hilarious and engaging. Two crazy people that clearly seem made for each other, but just as clearly would blow up in a fiery ball of doom if they were to get involved.

An amusing concept, and even moreso since they don’t drag it out for the sake of ratings. It is what it is and they don’t overplay it or go in unrealistic directions, given the characters.

I sorta take that as yet another story to demonstrate to people how doing things in way that makes sense to me is generally quite radically different from what they would expect. Radically different to the point that if they want me to do something they can’t trust that I’ll do it the way they want unless they explain to me, in a quite detailed, specific, and complete manner, what they want and why.

Of course, this has both promise and problems for other people wanting me to do something. If they’re curious about alternative ways to approach something, or if they want to understand what assumptions they’re using that aren’t necessarily universal, just give me something to do and watch how I do it differently. If they just want something done the way they’d do it, well, they have a problem.

Being British it has more wry, dry, absurdist humor than Buffy. Also less obsession with brooding. (I’d claim less obsession with teen sex appeal, but the actress playing the main companion went on to star in Secret Diary of a Call Girl. So I’d obviously be wrong.) It is certainly less of an ensemble piece, since the cast rotates much more and there’s no fixed setting. This means the group dynamics have much less depth, and a bit less room for character development.

But there are some parallels. It must not be the same, though, since the combination of more sci-fi/fantasy, wry humor, less youth obsession, and less forced drama makes me like watching it much more.

I suppose I already do this on a near yearly basis. But I also feel like I keep learning more important things about myself, so it’s not wasted. Even it was only an exercise for myself.

PESSIMISM:

INDECISION:

• I make Hamlet look decisive. On a daily basis.
• I ruminate over every decision I make. This is a normal part of the process.
• That said, you’re better off derailing my ruminations if it’s getting out of hand, or merely annoying. It’s part of my personal process, but that doesn’t mean anyone else has to deal with it.
• At heart, I believe there are right answers and wrong answers to everything. And I do not want to be wrong. This is intertwined with the indecision and rumination.
• On the flip side, partially as a defense mechanism to the simple fact that I will make the wrong decisions all the time, I often slip into a character that embraces and cherishes making the wrong decisions. My own personal Steven Colbert-type character. This character is basically me, but more openly clueless and more openly misanthropic. Part of me interacting comfortably with close friends usually involves me slipping in and out of this character, and my friends reading correctly what is a joke, which is an outlandishly exaggerated minor annoyance, and what is an honest opinion that I’m well aware is totally insane.

• Whoever you are, there will be times you will be less interesting to me than the toy I playing with. Regardless whether that toy is a piece of foil or a giant computer cluster on the cloud. And regardless whether I’ve known and cared about you for many years or if I want you dead and buried in a shallow grave.
• I can be rather passive in stating my desires. I will allow myself to be overruled, but I’ll be frustrated–perhaps even angry–if this happens too often. I try to avoid this behavior, but I don’t always succeed.
• I am very shy, and will not spontaneously meet people. Though I might introduce myself after a great deal of inner hand-wringing.
• I am very introverted, and cannot stand actively interacting with people for long stretches of time. After awhile my mind starts to wander, and I’ll increasingly wander to topics that interest me rather than who I’m speaking to.

• I operate on plans and bullet points. I have a plan of what I want to be doing at a certain time, I have a hard time letting go of that. Spontaneous changes of plan can make me uncomfortable.
• I easily suffer from sensory overload. Bright lights, loud noises, and strong smells bother me. Usually more than other people. Sudden changes in light, noise, or smells also bother me. (I hate people turning on lights without warning.)
• When I’m upset, it’s best for me to be someplace with no people and little light/smell/sound. Though hopefully an internet connection and/or a good book.
• If you want to convince me of something, appeal to my naked self-interest or to my sense of fairness. All other avenues of persuasion will only end in tears, though it’s hard to predict whose.

GOALS

• My life goals essentially boil down to living an a stress-free life where I get to pursue my hobbies without major impediments.
• My interests are rather diffuse. This makes it hard for me to develop true expertise in any one field, which is unfortunate.
• Historically, I am very bad at making goals in a longer than 1-2 year-ish year horizon. Part of that is I’m not good at making uninformed decisions, and I’ve always felt very uninformed about both my options and my preferences. (The latter partially due to indecision, but also simply lack of exposure to a wide variety of experiences to develop my preferences.)

1. Japan is pretty insular, so they figured immigrants of Japanese descent (i.e. children of former Japanese emigrants) would be easiest to absorb.
2. Japan has amazingly low birth rates, so they’ve gone through periodic labor shortages the past couple of decades.

But there are two caveats, and they’re related. One is that the absorption of these Brazilian immigrants hasn’t gone quite as smoothly as hoped. The other is that children of foreigners born in Japan do not automatically become Japanese citizens.

When I think about the problems of the Brazilians of Japanese descent assimilating to Japan, I suddenly am much more cognizant why people historically called America a ‘county of immigrants’, and still do. We have, and continue, to absorb huge numbers of immigrants on a yearly basis. And on the individual level, it only takes a generation or two before we basically fully accept the children of immigrants as full Americans.

But despite my protests, he managed to convince me that I should get a credit card (from a large and legitimate bank) simply because it was offering a $X dollar refund if you spend $Y dollars in the first three months. A pretty typical deal, but this one was unusually large.

I hope this silly game of his works out well. (Though in fairness I’ve seen him and others friends/roommates do the same thing and have it work out just fine. I’m just dubious.)

Yet a good portion of my (post-college) friends insist they hate bleeding-heart liberals, that I am not a bleeding-heart liberal, and that I am, in fact, a moderate. Possibly a moderate in denial.

I am unsure what conclusion to draw.